If You Hate It; Stop It! How to Deal with a Sabateur

In this week’s post, I’m answering another one of your great questions. This one comes from a former coaching client of mine who is working through problems with his business. He asks:

When adversity comes from a long time business partner (15 years) who is no longer a partner but still an employee of the firm, how do you overcome the hold he had on me and the rest of the team during all those years?  How can I have more resilience in light of this challenge.

While you may not be running your own business, I think you can relate to the challenge of having to deal with someone whose behaviour makes your life difficult. Maybe it’s a friend who is more of a drain on you than a support for you. Maybe it’s a spouse who is constantly critical of you, or is only concerned with him/herself.

We have all had to deal with people in our lives who are not only not supportive, but seem to actively oppose you. So how do we remain resilient in the fact of this challenge? Here are 3 quick tips:

    1. Clear Communication Cuts Confusion: Too often we assume. We assume that we know the motives of another person and that he or she knows ours. We expect others to measure up to our expectations and meet our demands, without clearly express what they are.We can’t expect people to be mind readers. Be clear about communicating your expectations and setting standards for how you expect to be treated.You may not be in a position at your place of work to make decisions about policies, but you always have the right to determine how you are treated.
    2. What You Allow, You Implicitly Approve: We teach people how to treat us. If you don’t like the way someone is behaving with you, you have the right to explain that to him/her and request that they change their behaviour. If they are unable or unwilling to do so, you also have the right to make sure that person is as far removed from your life as possible.You teach people how to treat you. We should be kind whenever possible, and accept everyone, but we are never obligated to allow others to take away your peace and joy.
    3. Endurance is Easy When the ‘Why’ is Worth It: Frederich Nietzsche once said, “he who has a why, can endure any how”. It is one of my favourite quotes, because it is a constant reminder to me that we can endure incredible difficulty as long as we know why we’re doing it.Think of the person who means the most to you in this world; your spouse, child, parent, or friend. Now think: what would I not be willing to do to for that person? What lengths would I NOT be willing to go to save their life for example? The answer, I’m sure, is nothing. You would do whatever it took. This proves how effective having a clear “why” can be. When you know ‘why’ you have to do something, your ability to endure through difficulty increases exponentially.

I hope this tips are helpful to you. Please leave a comment below about which you find most helpful. If you have another suggestion to add to the list, please share that too.

 

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